Yellow On Top

Time for another Rogue guest post!


Hello everyone...

So my cohort and fellow badass Bre, aka the Enforcer, is currently away on top secret rogue training that will allow her to shiv you in your sleep, thus I am here to let you guys know that there is some serious shit going on that needs to end. I'm going to cover some things in this little post that maybe you should watch out for, or you'll find yourself on the end of one of my tricks pulls dumping a mob or twenty on you....ya dig?

So here are some things you can do that will be good:

- Show up on time and be ready to raid.

- Make sure you have all the things you need for raid night.

- Don't needlessly chatter in vent during boss fights.

- Don't ninja AFK unless you're super good at it, like me, or you're a ninja. Either way....you probably just shouldn't do it.

- USE THE EFFING CALENDAR. (P.S. this would make your GM pretty happy)

- CLICK THE LIGHTWELL OR I SWEAR I'LL SHANK YOU.

Here are some things you're doing that are BAD:

- You're standing in all kinds of bad. If its something that looks like fire...don't stand in it. If it is something that looks dark and menacing, don't stand in it. If its shooting out of a mobs mouth/ass....DON'T STAND IN IT.

- I know that I said don't stand in things right above, HOWEVER, if its shiney, and blue, green, white, and or another "pretty" color. It is probably from your healers, stop running out of that shit and get some heals. HELP YOUR HEALERS HELP YOU.

- If the raid leader says spread out...spread out. Don't stand there and hold each others hands like you're in first grade, spread the hell out. If the raid leader says group up, get nut to butt and get packed in there. We're all friends, ACT LIKE IT.

- DPS: How about you stop focusing on your meters and instead worry about all that damage you are taking. You're draining healer mana, I personally like it when healers can you know, heal the TANKS or other people that are SUPPOSED to take damage. Healers going oom from stupid makes my tricks finger get itchy.

- Hey, those lava lines on Rhyolith...move away from them....actually screw that, those things suck period. Do your best.

- If you pick up a feather before myself, Bre, or a healer, I swear I'll find the teddy bear you still sleep with and remove its head from its body...I'll do it...I promise.

Now this is only a brief example of things you should and shouldn't do. I understand common sense usually flies right out a raiders ass when they get to raiding, but please use a little. It will help us all out a ton, and it will cause me from having to start taking blood pressure medicine again....that shit ain't cheap.

So please, do your jobs so that I don't have to hurt/maim/harass/punt/kick/slap/shank or whatever twisted thing I decide to do to you for doing bad things. I want to be a nice guy, I swear I do...mostly.

Now go hold your blankey,

Scynus

Pretend Raiders and How to Spot Them

Pretend Raiders…..


Let game time lapse and don’t have a plan to update it before the next raid

Bitch about reading strategies and doing homework

Think iLevel trumps skill

Think they don’t need to farm for rep items

Decide a “date” is a priority on a Tuesday

Log on when it’s convenient for THEM and don’t give a rat’s ass about the other 24 people in raid

Ignore the calendar like I put it there for my amusement

Have to go AFK for dinner/take out the trash/mom/dad/anything but sex they are willing to stream live

Think welfare epics say they have skill

Go AFK during trash

Go AFK during boss assignments

You play a huntard

Think that farming mats for raiding means getting Doritos and diet coke for the night

Space out during boss assignments

Think that their DPS is more important than moving out of bad, also, everything is the healers, and or tanks fault.

Tell you they have to deal with raccoons in the attic and never, ever come back….ever…like 3 months later….I’m worried….

Get grounded

Break up with their girlfriend and “need time”

Get scared away by a trial run for an application and DC for 3 days

Think that reviewing the bosses is looking over loot tables so you know what you want

Can’t tell you what is BiS for their main spec

Think trash is srs bzns (can you say FACEPULL TRASH INTO NEAT LITTLE PILES FTW???)

Things That Make Me Want to Kick a Gnome

I haven’t had a really good bitching post in ages. Blame the 10s we were doing; there’s much less to bitch about in 10s overall. Lucky for readers though we are in full 25 man mode again!

10 Things That Make Me Want to Kick a Gnome

1. Being physically present while mentally absent during boss assignments. (You were here…you were typing in raid chat…you hit “yes” to the ready check asking if you were here…WHY are you asking 2 seconds before the pull what you are supposed to do?!?!!?)

2. Random D/Cs, lag, storms, bad PCs, bad routers, dead mics, etc. (Yes, I know a bunch of it is beyond your control but it still pisses me off.)

3. Feather whores. Bird boss: rogues first x 3 each, healers next x 1 each, THEN THE DAMN FEATHER WHORES OF DPS x 1 each. (Don’t make me call your name again….seriously, don’t.)

4. Doubting my decisions regarding additions to the raid team…fed by main/main spec change requests and really, really dumb questions in vent and gchat.

5. Daggers. They were nonexistent in Wrath and now the damn things drop every week. They make lovely shards though.

6. Asking any of the following questions on a Raid Day:
a. Are we raiding today? (Is it a Raid Day?)
b. What time are we raiding? (What time do we always raid?)
c. Can I bring my alt? (Are you high?)

7. Raiders that stand in bad. Firelands is full of traps, fire, more fire, fire from volcanoes, fire from birds, fire in circles, swaths, patches and lynxes. Did I mention fire?


8. Long drawn out wipes. If we call for a wipe go stand in fire. It is the only time I will praise you for the behavior you so very much love.

9. Random moments brought to you by the Stupid Debuff. Mistakes happen. The trouble is if every person in the raid makes one mistake per boss that results in us not killing the boss and you multiply that by 25… /headdesk


10. Raiders that don’t show up randomly, raiders that are late, raiders that leave early. (Kill me now.)

And now for a change!

Things I love:

1. My officers…they really are the best. I’m pretty damn lucky to have a group as dedicated and focused as they are. They really make my life much easier!

2. So very many of our raiders who do a damn good job, accept being sat graciously, and are really invested in the overall success of the guild as a whole.

3. Beth’liac…for finally dropping my tanky weapon!