Self-awareness is a Beautiful Thing

Dear Guildies.

Heroic is about to go through some very interesting changes when it comes to competition for raid spots. Frankly, I’m thrilled and can’t wait. Because I care and want the best for my guild I thought I would take a few minutes to enlighten you on some of the things that go through my mind when making raid spot decisions. These decisions, when made properly, lessen the likelihood that the Raid Bitch will come out to play.

In addition to checking for the Stupid Debuff there are many factors in deciding who is a core raider, who is an acceptable raider, and who is (or should be) on their way to a happy new home elsewhere. Obviously I can say performance and attendance are the two biggest things to help me make that decision but I do factor in all sorts of things you may not think I notice when it comes to what comes out of your mouth.

For the raider the completely lacking in self-awareness here are a few things to think about whether you are in my guild or moving on to another guild:


When raid invites go out do you:

A. Accept the invite, park yourself at the instance, grab a drink or whatever you need to do, and wait for the direction to zone in?

B. Tell the raid leader you need a few more minutes to finish your fishing daily but you are ready to go as soon as that’s done?

C. Tell the raid leader you’re going to squeeze in a quick OS3D but you’ll let them know when you’re ready? *



When raid invites go out are you:

A. Online, on your main, de-grouped, ready to accept?

B. Late?

C. On an alt in another guild’s raid? **



When placed on stand-by on a regular raid night do you:

A. Gracefully zone out and either stay in raid or in vent and keep yourself occupied ready to come in when needed?

B. Whisper the raid leader repeatedly listing all the gear you need off the next several bosses (or the entire instance including hard modes both 10 and 25 in some cases) and complaining that it’s not fair because you didn’t get the trinket last week?

C. Have a hissy fit, tell the raid leader you’ll see them next Tuesday, and log off?

D. /Gquit?



When you are placed on stand-by for a progression fight do you:

A. Honestly assess your current gear/performance/attendance, look at the raid composition, comprehend that there are only 25 spots in a 25 man raid and realize that the raid leader is doing what she feels is best and there is probably a very good reason for that fact that you are sitting?

B. Whine about how you needed the badges and possible upgrades without quite grasping the fact that because you need those things you really shouldn’t be in this particular fight since there are raiders on that are better prepared for the content?

C. /Gquit and bash the guild in trade chat?



When talking about your current spec do you:

A. Fully explain why you are talented, gemmed, etc. the way you are and back it up with facts and numbers?

B. Explain that you copied it from a player who out DPSed you in VOA?

C. Say that your friend put in your talent points for you and “they are totally good at playing this class”? ***



When you screw up and wipe the raid do you:

A. Look at combat logs and know what happened, own up to errors you made, and apologize?

B. Blame lag?

C. Blame the healers?

D. Blame the tanks?

E. Blame the hunter?

F. DC and fake a power outage?



When you screw up repeatedly on the same exact freaking thing to the point where we name the error after you for all future raids in which anyone does the same stupid thing do you:

A. Understand why you are on stand-by and work to improve your performance?

B. Blame lag?

C. Send the GM many pages of in-game mail complaining about how you are being unfairly picked on?

D. /Gquit and bash the guild in trade chat?



When you are placed in a raid with another raider of comparable gear, the same talents, and very similar experience and you are out healed, tanked, or DPSed by them do you:

A. Hit the websites for theory crafting and tips to see if there’s something you missed and ask the other raider what their secret is and pick up a few things to try?

B. Talk to your class leader and ask for advice?

C. Blame your gear anyways?

D. Blame lag?

E. This never happens to you because you don’t run a damage meter because you don’t think meters are important since it’s just a game and you play it to have fun and you can’t understand why we are having trouble on the boss and keep hitting the enrage timer and the only reason you showed up tonight was because you want the trinket that drops and since you are such a fantastic human being and raider you’re certain it will be given to you even though you only show up on Tuesdays. ****



When the GM tells you that you need to stop talking because you are making an ass out of yourself by demonstrating you do not know your own class, another class, a fight, your audience for perverted sexual comments, or by digging the hole that your mouth got you into deeper and deeper and you can tell by the tone of her voice that you had best chill out for a while do you:

A. Stop talking?

B. Start explaining why you were saying what you were saying thereby digging that hole of shame deeper?

C. Argue and insist that you are right even though you have no clue why…you are just convinced you are indeed right?

D. Whisper the GM for the next two hours explaining in great detail how it was not your fault that you upset someone/were wrong/didn’t understand what “stop talking” really meant?

E. /Gquit and bash the guild in trade chat?


The answers to these and many more questions go through my head as I assemble raids. Now you know and can prepare accordingly and save us all much grief.



Sincerely,

Your Positively Giddy with Anticipation GM, Lark




* Seriously? And then you complain you don’t get in a full raid? Seriously?!?!

** Yeah…that one got some strong encouragement to move his main to the alt’s guild…in the form of a /gkick.

***I’d really like to meet this friend. I’m sure we could have a very entertaining conversation. Very.

****Yes, yes you are a special snowflake in so many ways. Good luck next week when there’s competition for that raid spot you sort of filled.

Rant Day

Have I mentioned lately how much I loathe the Stupid Debuff? No, really? Well let me be clear….I REALLY, REALLY FUCKING HATE IT!

How is it that otherwise sensible raiders can die to frost bombs? There’s an ice tomb to stand behind for a reason! And dragons, heaven help me, how does one forget after months in ICC and dragons in almost every raid, that they cleave! And have bad breath! And, oh yeah, the tails will knock you into next week!

Why, oh why, people do you stand in green slime on Putricide? We have clearly established that it does not give you a lovely buff.

I say at the beginning of every Blood Queen fight, “If you can’t find your bite target for whatever asinine reason then bite ANYONE but DO NOT get mind controlled!” So, help me understand the mind controls?

Oh, right, healers, bosses on ICC Heroic mode….they hit the tanks harder! And my darling off-tank…pop your freaking cool downs more! Don’t wait for the emergency that may come your way, I’ve got news for you, it’s an emergency NOW!

Lastly, let’s just take the word “lag” out of our vocabularies, please. If you fuck up then just be a man about it, admit it, and move on. If I hear lag used as an excuse one more time I may hurt someone. Even if it is lag tell me something else. I don’t care to hear it anymore.

The Enforcer's Guest Post

/wave

I’m your friendly neighborhood rogue. Aka: ‘The Enforcer”. Yeah that’s right …/flex. Anyways Lark has been hinting at me writing a guest post on her blog. Well, I’ve been procrastinating for two reasons: 1. I’m horrible at typing. 2. I’m horrible at writing. So far 2 of 5 delicious combo pts.


Anyways this whole enforcer dealio started as a joke. Our guild was (I mean the casters – including healers btw /rollseyes) getting our faces PWNed by malleable ooze on Professor Putricide. So I send Lark a tell, “Can I be GM for a day? So I can kick these bads?” Little did I know she’d like the idea.


The night goes on and a list begins to form:

• Stand in shit that wasn’t there before…GKICK!
• Don’t switch from boss to slimes….GKICK!
• Somehow miss seeing giant green oozes flying at you…Also somehow miss blaring DBM warning telling you your going to get hit if you don’t gtfo….zomfg GKICK!
• Ask what an A-bomb is…GKICK!
• Stand in place so the orange ooze eats your face…zomfg GKICK!
• Run into the middle of the raid when you are the ice tomb…4 times…GKICK!
• Ask what the boss does after you’ve been in on kills 7 times…GKICK!
• Don’t suck up to me…GKICK! I mean…ummm…

You see where this is going don’t you? Now I enjoy smoking the green so I don’t exactly remember how many threatening whispers I sent to Lark or what was said before I logged on to a new guild rank: “The Enforcer” - Badass.


So where are our raiders’ brains? Probably the same place as my offhand dagger.


Take it from behind,

Bre

(Note: The Enforcer hasn’t actually been allowed to /gkick anyone…yet. We’re going to call them out, demand less Stupid Debuffs, and let The Enforcer scare the hell out of them for a week or so first!)

Science Class

Gotta love Tuesdays!

I’m all caught up on blog reading - found some new ones today too. Spent some time at Wow.com watching videos and perusing other class changes coming (tomorrow is pally day!).

I also dissected the guild today. Go ahead, picture that frog splayed out on the table looking at you with his beady eyes, the feeling was very similar. Ugh.

Out of 45 active mains in the guild 20 of them landed on this list:

• We know you will be gone because you were kind enough to let us know your work/life schedule changed and we’ll welcome you with open arms when you return

• You’ve always been flaky about attendance and you just moved to the side of the roster where we’ll let you raid if no one else wants to

• You’re new…shouldn’t you be making a better impression?

• You’re emo

• You’re name looks familiar and I’m pretty sure you used to be here every day…alien abduction?

• I’d like to /gkick you but you’re friends with the Princess

This leaves us with the following raiders - and includes 5 new recruits that I’m desperately hoping live up to at least some of the expectations - to form the bulk of our M-Th raiding team:

• 2 Tanks - Me and one who is completely untried with us (cue the scary horror movie music here)

• 15 DPS - 2 of which have solid tanking off specs and 2 of which have solid healing off specs

• 8 Healers - 4 of which have strong DPS off specs

Now remember, today is Tuesday, so I fully expect to see somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 people on for the weekly loot piñatas. So here’s the GM/RL dilemma:

Do I….

• Make sure to save absolutely everyone to ensure the reset raiders can’t pug later in the week? /cackles maniacally

• Only bring the new “core” to give them the best shot at upgrades? (Particularly since we are relying fairly heavily on duel speccing?)

• Ask for volunteers to sit like we usually do? (This is boring for the people who sit and I know they do it to be nice but I really hate it for them.)

• Pretend I’m suddenly deaf, mute and illiterate and ignore all whispers and set up the Dream Team?

What would you do?

It's Either Evil or Brilliant

Mwhahahaha….

When the raiders - loyal and reset alike - arrive on Tuesday they may find themselves in for a surprise. There may be no Frost Emblems, farm bosses and shiny 264 purples. What there may be is progression of a different sort complete with WWS reports, notes of how well they take the news (and ninja logs), and very familiar content with a twist.

The guild was very young, mostly under-geared, and somewhat inexperienced when we formed last June so we were still running Naxx 25 for gear for some folks to make it past the first several bosses in Ulduar 25. This means that we started behind in the race for progression there and were still playing catch-up when TOC 25 was released. We did a pretty good job of catching up on TOC to some of the other guilds but it wasn’t until ICC that we started content on an almost equal footing. Sadly we still have not gone back and downed Yogg, completed some of the hard modes, or really made an honest attempt at Trial of the Grand Crusader 25. We’ve been too wrapped up in the newest content to make time for it.

Well, guess what raiders….TOGC is calling.

I am frustrated with the slow pace of our ICC 25 progression and concerned about the complicated, raid awareness challenging content to come (Oh, was that poison I was standing in? Oops. I didn’t bite the right person and now I’m mind controlled? Oops.), and certain attention spans and learning curves. My train of thought right now is this:

• If people can’t listen to directions and assignments on very familiar (for the most part) content how will we ever get down unfamiliar, complex content?

• If a raider is lazy, spaced out, doesn’t care, insert excuse here ________ , and dies to things they’ve known to avoid for months then what does that say about them for progression content in ICC?

• If a raider is unwilling to do content that may not result in shiny purple 264’s but is still progression points for the guild then do they really belong here?

So, Tuesday, unless I am persuaded (and it better be a damn good reason) otherwise, we will be going to TOGC. I will be recording the raid and those that are successful, attentive, and positive will be given a great deal of priority for the ICC 25 content they desire. Those that are negative, wearing the Stupid Debuff, or unwilling to do the content will be less of a priority and, in extreme cases, relegated to post-progression content or removed from the guild.

What am I expecting? Honestly, I expect most of them to do their best and actually like aspects of the idea. I think the very small minority will be the ones complaining (or worse) that I will have to deal with later, and I think there may be 2 or 3 that will be having serious conversations about their status in the guild with their class leader and me.

Wish me luck!

Raid Bitch

Yes, today I let my inner raid bitch loose….

There was yelling. There was swearing. There was calling stupid people out by name in raid.

And it was well deserved.

We have been battling Rotface for two fucking weeks after downing him twice before. Due to stupid. There is no reason this boss is still alive other than the stupid debuff. People running into each other with little oozes on them when there’s a big ooze up. People staying in the middle of the raid group with little oozes on them. Healers too defensive about their heals to actually heal. DPS too focused on who may or may not have healed them (or not) and their own personal numbers to actually do damage (I don't give a flying fuck what your numbers are if the boss doesn't die!) Officers too wrapped up in battles over Recount to pay attention. Bullshit left and right basically.

So, tonight, I said what normally is reserved for not pressing push-to-talk and let it loose.

Rotface is still alive. But I feel better.

And guess who’s coming back to raid tomorrow….