Self-awareness is a Beautiful Thing

Dear Guildies.

Heroic is about to go through some very interesting changes when it comes to competition for raid spots. Frankly, I’m thrilled and can’t wait. Because I care and want the best for my guild I thought I would take a few minutes to enlighten you on some of the things that go through my mind when making raid spot decisions. These decisions, when made properly, lessen the likelihood that the Raid Bitch will come out to play.

In addition to checking for the Stupid Debuff there are many factors in deciding who is a core raider, who is an acceptable raider, and who is (or should be) on their way to a happy new home elsewhere. Obviously I can say performance and attendance are the two biggest things to help me make that decision but I do factor in all sorts of things you may not think I notice when it comes to what comes out of your mouth.

For the raider the completely lacking in self-awareness here are a few things to think about whether you are in my guild or moving on to another guild:


When raid invites go out do you:

A. Accept the invite, park yourself at the instance, grab a drink or whatever you need to do, and wait for the direction to zone in?

B. Tell the raid leader you need a few more minutes to finish your fishing daily but you are ready to go as soon as that’s done?

C. Tell the raid leader you’re going to squeeze in a quick OS3D but you’ll let them know when you’re ready? *



When raid invites go out are you:

A. Online, on your main, de-grouped, ready to accept?

B. Late?

C. On an alt in another guild’s raid? **



When placed on stand-by on a regular raid night do you:

A. Gracefully zone out and either stay in raid or in vent and keep yourself occupied ready to come in when needed?

B. Whisper the raid leader repeatedly listing all the gear you need off the next several bosses (or the entire instance including hard modes both 10 and 25 in some cases) and complaining that it’s not fair because you didn’t get the trinket last week?

C. Have a hissy fit, tell the raid leader you’ll see them next Tuesday, and log off?

D. /Gquit?



When you are placed on stand-by for a progression fight do you:

A. Honestly assess your current gear/performance/attendance, look at the raid composition, comprehend that there are only 25 spots in a 25 man raid and realize that the raid leader is doing what she feels is best and there is probably a very good reason for that fact that you are sitting?

B. Whine about how you needed the badges and possible upgrades without quite grasping the fact that because you need those things you really shouldn’t be in this particular fight since there are raiders on that are better prepared for the content?

C. /Gquit and bash the guild in trade chat?



When talking about your current spec do you:

A. Fully explain why you are talented, gemmed, etc. the way you are and back it up with facts and numbers?

B. Explain that you copied it from a player who out DPSed you in VOA?

C. Say that your friend put in your talent points for you and “they are totally good at playing this class”? ***



When you screw up and wipe the raid do you:

A. Look at combat logs and know what happened, own up to errors you made, and apologize?

B. Blame lag?

C. Blame the healers?

D. Blame the tanks?

E. Blame the hunter?

F. DC and fake a power outage?



When you screw up repeatedly on the same exact freaking thing to the point where we name the error after you for all future raids in which anyone does the same stupid thing do you:

A. Understand why you are on stand-by and work to improve your performance?

B. Blame lag?

C. Send the GM many pages of in-game mail complaining about how you are being unfairly picked on?

D. /Gquit and bash the guild in trade chat?



When you are placed in a raid with another raider of comparable gear, the same talents, and very similar experience and you are out healed, tanked, or DPSed by them do you:

A. Hit the websites for theory crafting and tips to see if there’s something you missed and ask the other raider what their secret is and pick up a few things to try?

B. Talk to your class leader and ask for advice?

C. Blame your gear anyways?

D. Blame lag?

E. This never happens to you because you don’t run a damage meter because you don’t think meters are important since it’s just a game and you play it to have fun and you can’t understand why we are having trouble on the boss and keep hitting the enrage timer and the only reason you showed up tonight was because you want the trinket that drops and since you are such a fantastic human being and raider you’re certain it will be given to you even though you only show up on Tuesdays. ****



When the GM tells you that you need to stop talking because you are making an ass out of yourself by demonstrating you do not know your own class, another class, a fight, your audience for perverted sexual comments, or by digging the hole that your mouth got you into deeper and deeper and you can tell by the tone of her voice that you had best chill out for a while do you:

A. Stop talking?

B. Start explaining why you were saying what you were saying thereby digging that hole of shame deeper?

C. Argue and insist that you are right even though you have no clue why…you are just convinced you are indeed right?

D. Whisper the GM for the next two hours explaining in great detail how it was not your fault that you upset someone/were wrong/didn’t understand what “stop talking” really meant?

E. /Gquit and bash the guild in trade chat?


The answers to these and many more questions go through my head as I assemble raids. Now you know and can prepare accordingly and save us all much grief.



Sincerely,

Your Positively Giddy with Anticipation GM, Lark




* Seriously? And then you complain you don’t get in a full raid? Seriously?!?!

** Yeah…that one got some strong encouragement to move his main to the alt’s guild…in the form of a /gkick.

***I’d really like to meet this friend. I’m sure we could have a very entertaining conversation. Very.

****Yes, yes you are a special snowflake in so many ways. Good luck next week when there’s competition for that raid spot you sort of filled.